Findings
Across the three interviews, Mei constructs a recognisable before-and-after plot. The “before” is populated by collective schedules, ranking systems, teachers, classmates and rules. In these episodes, she frequently uses “we” and the generic “you”: “we started”, “we have”, “you must get prepared”, “otherwise you’ll just fail”. The present and future are narrated more often in the first person: “I can sort of control the pressure”, “I would definitely choose maths”, “I probably will learn Further Maths online”. The shift in pronouns does not prove that migration produced autonomy, but it is the grammatical spine of the story she tells.
Mei explicitly marks the temporal transition, living with her mother in Madrid is “much better”, and she says, “It’s easier because I’m not as stressed as before” (I1). She then provides the evaluative statement around which the later narrative turns “I’m more controllable, maybe. I can sort of control the pressure” (I1). In another formulation, she says, “I think I’m growing up because before ... I became anxious and I didn’t know how to respond to it. And right now I can” (I1). The phrase “right now I can” positions her not as someone freed from difficulty, but as someone newly able to respond to it.
This is not a simple rescue narrative in which China is wholly negative and Madrid wholly positive. The earlier field remains present in her habits of self-surveillance, her fear of losing and her association of education with security. The narrative is better understood as one of re-regulation: external pressure becomes more manageable and, in some domains, more self-endorsed, while its emotional traces continue.
An early science self: curiosity, ethics and a pragmatic turn
Mei’s earliest science story is one of intrinsic curiosity. Asked about her childhood interests, she answers with an intensifier “I loved, I was obsessed with biological things” (I1). She expands this into a general story of childhood exploration, “I think every child ... [has] a dream or a passion to explore a new world, to explore creatures or something. But as I grew older, I realised that creatures ... are living [things].” (I1)
The narrative then turns. Her movement away from biology is not attributed to inability or boredom, but to ethical and emotional discomfort with harming living organisms. She explains that she did not want to kill living things because the idea felt “so stressful” (I1). This is significant because it shows that a change in science aspiration can be value-laden rather than a decline in science identity. Biology remains associated with wonder, but its imagined practices conflict with the kind of person she wishes to be.
Engineering enters the story as both practical and provisional, asked what she might become, Mei says, “Maybe an engineer. I think it earns money, that’s all” (I1). When pressed on the importance of money, she adds, “Yeah, and living. Being able to live” (I1). The apparent bluntness of “that’s all” is modified by “being able to live”, the aspiration is narrated less as wealth-seeking than as a search for economic security. She later gives it more substantive content, “Maybe I can learn electricity. Or I can learn renewable energy ... something with renewable energy” (I1).
Her future-oriented language is carefully graded, “Maybe” marks engineering and chemistry as open possibilities; “definitely” marks mathematics as firmer, “I would definitely choose maths because I think I’m good at it. Physics, maybe chemistry” (I1). This combination suggests an emerging STEM identity rather than a settled occupational plan. Science is simultaneously a remembered curiosity, an ethical problem, an area of competence and a route to a viable future.
The Chinese school field: compressed time, public visibility and collective comparison
The longest narrative episode concerns Mei’s previous school in northern China. She makes the intensity tellable through time, the day begins at about seven in the morning, includes lessons, meals and supervised study, and can continue until nine or ten at night. Her account accumulates activities rather than summarising them, reproducing the sense of compression, “I would start like seven ... [and] finish at nine ... We eat lunch in school, dinner in school ... In the morning, when we came to school, we started to read out loudly ... Teachers ... always give tonnes of homework ... [in the evening] we just do homework.” (I2)
The school day is embedded in a larger regime of limited recovery time, “We don’t have weekends ... not every week,” she says, explaining that some weekends were partly or wholly occupied by school (I2). Even summer holiday was incorporated into competition through extra courses and an immediate return-to-school examination. In her stark formulation, if a student had not made “an extreme improvement in the summer holidays, you are a loser” (I2). The second person “you” presents this as a rule of the field rather than merely a private feeling.
Scale intensifies the experience, Mei repeatedly returns to the number of students: “We used to have 64 students” (I2), and elsewhere explains that air conditioning was indispensable because there were “64 students in one big classroom” (I3). The class was streamed by attainment. She was placed in the second-highest group and recalls, “I was in the second class ... and we competed with the first class ... it’s set up [in a] pyramid shape” (I2). Her evaluation is direct, “It’s very stressful” (I2). Competition is not only individual, behaviour contributes to a collective class score; praise, reprimand and the temporary award or removal of a flag publicly represent the group’s standing. At the individual level, scores are ordered and displayed, “They put [students] in order according to the scores ... [with] an arrow up or down ... compared to the last score ... They print them [and] put [them] at the back wall of the whole class, so everyone could see them.” (I2)
This public visibility turns marks into symbolic capital, a score does not simply indicate what has been learned; it determines position, recognition and exposure. Mei contrasts this with her current school, where a grade such as an A summarises performance and classmates do not necessarily know one another’s detailed results. In China, by contrast, “if you got 148, then you got 148” out of 150, and “they will know” (I2). The precision of the number is part of the social experience of competence.
“Saving face”: discipline and the internalisation of pressure
A second mechanism of public visibility appears in Mei’s account of discipline, especially in primary school. She says that younger pupils were not treated as full persons, “When you are younger, they don’t treat you as a [human] being ... they just treat you like an item” (I3). The child is expected to occupy a prescribed bodily position: “You should be quiet and you should make no noise. Otherwise, they’re going to take you out” (I3). Misbehaviour could be photographed and shared in a large parent messaging group, where “almost one hundred persons ... can all see the picture” (I3).
Mei explains the emotional force of such practices through the cultural idiom of face, “We lose face ... you have to save face” (I3). She intensifies its importance as “super, super important” (I3). This should not be read as a universal statement about Chinese culture; it is the vocabulary through which Mei interprets her own experience of public evaluation. When asked what motivates people, she replies, “For me, it should be face ... punishment and reward” (I3). In self-determination terms, this is a concise account of externally controlled and introjected motivation, behaviour is organised by the threat of exposure, loss of standing and the wish to avoid shame.
The earlier field continues in a small present-day story, during a quiet period at school, Mei had played computer games and immediately narrated the episode through guilt: “I played too much this morning, so I feel guilty ... I need to work a little bit harder” (I3). Yet the same exchange contains a counter-position, “Sometimes you cannot study. After relaxing, you can study a little bit more” (I3). The juxtaposition is important because guilt appears quickly, but it is now accompanied by a language of rest, limits and self-management that was largely absent from her description of schooling in China.
Science learning under competition: high attainment and precarious competence
Within the Chinese school narrative, science is described less through inquiry or practical work than through curriculum sequence, homework, revision materials and examinations. Mei recalls beginning chemistry later in secondary school and studying “elements and reactions”, including electrolysis (I2). Her account of how to succeed is procedural, “It’s not that hard because if you keep doing the homework and ... revision books, and you keep doing them, you get high scores” (I2). Repetition, rather than exploration, is presented as the reliable route to attainment.
In China Mei chose chemistry, physics and biology alongside compulsory subjects, indicating both broad science participation and confidence and she also served as a mathematics assistant, collecting work and helping the teacher. The role mattered relationally, “I think the more you get closer to your teacher, the higher passion maybe you have in the subject” (I2). However, access to teacher recognition was itself tied to attainment, in a large class, “if you get a high score, people will remember you and you can ask questions” (I2); otherwise, “the teacher cannot pay attention to you because she already got tonnes of students” (I2). Competence and relatedness were therefore mutually conditional, achievement made recognition possible, and recognition could reinforce interest.
Mei explains that in China she obtained a very high aggregate examination score but missed the threshold for a preferred school by 12 marks. She narrates the result not as near success but as exclusion “I couldn’t [go there]. There are 12 marks, the gap is huge” (I2). The phrase “the gap is huge” shows how field-specific thresholds transform a small numerical difference into a decisive identity event. In China Mei describes an educational environment in which students who cannot imagine winning disengage, “If I cannot get a good school, I just don’t learn” (I2). She then explains that “You have passion for learning, and the environment and the competition is ruining your passion. And you give up gradually ... You start to play video games, you start to watch films, you start to give up.” (I2)
The repetition of “give up” turns disengagement into a process rather than a personal defect. Her explanation culminates in a risk-avoidant disposition, “I don’t like [a] competitive environment because of my experience in China. If you don’t do well, you feel bad emotionally” (I2). She continues, “It’s better not to do the thing than to do it and lose it. I don’t want to take the risk sometimes” (I2). The account therefore complicates any assumption that competition straightforwardly raises attainment, it may produce work, but it can also make competence contingent, reduce curiosity and render non-participation emotionally safer than visible failure.
Migration as a turning point: family proximity and pressure made governable
While her parents worked in a large city, she lived with her grandmother in a town some distance away and saw her mother roughly twice a month. Support was maintained through video calls, but distance constrained what her mother could do when Mei was anxious. Mei recalls trying to explain that a stressed person “cannot think clearly” and that advice alone was not always “what I want” (I1). The account it presents a mismatch between practical problem-solving and the need for emotional presence.
After moving to Madrid with her family, the relationship is narrated differently. “It’s much better” (I1), “we’re living in harmony” (I1), and Mei is “not as stressed as before” (I1). Family co-presence becomes a form of relatedness that supports her developing self-regulation. Migration, in this account, is not only movement between school systems; it changes the everyday availability of family support.
Her approach to IGCSE preparation illustrates this change, she does not claim to be free from pressure. Instead, she adjusts her behaviour “Before I played more; now I play less and I study more” (I1). The statement is deliberately ordinary. Unlike the previous narrative of compulsory twelve-hour days, current examination preparation is represented as a decision about allocating time. The contrast suggests a move from externally imposed regulation towards identified and partly autonomous regulation.
Belonging after migration: connection desired, discounted and deferred
Relatedness is the most internally contradictory strand of Mei’s narrative. In describing China, she says, “I don’t think I can find real friendship because everybody is competitive. They compare each other’s scores” (I2). She later states, “A real friend is very important, but not a rival ... everyone is just your enemy and your rival” (I1). Friendship is presented as necessary support, but the school field converts potential friends into competitors. She describes being ignored as especially painful, “It’s very sad, being ignored” (I1), and adds that she did not find the close friend who might have given support.
In Madrid, the form of the problem changes, limited Spanish constrains local social participation, “It’s hard for me to make friends with local people” (I1). She has Chinese friends and participates in a badminton activity organised through a Chinese immigrant network, providing social capital outside school. At the British school, she notes that many students are themselves migrants “we’re all immigrants” (I1) but a shared international status does not automatically produce intimacy. Some peers are “not mean” but “just indifferent”; she says, “We’re not the same type of person ... I don’t have the chance [to talk] ... but I don’t mind. I’m so chill” (I1).
The assertion “I don’t mind” sits uneasily beside her earlier account of the importance of a real friend. This tension becomes sharper when she says that “making friends is a waste of time” because school relationships may last only “one year or two years” before “the thread is cut” (I1). At another point she concludes, “Friends are always lost” (I1). Yet she also says that “friends can be like family” and that “it depends on the person” (I3), and she imagines making friends at university, during a career or in a sports club. These are not simply inconsistent answers, narratively, they can be read as a protective devaluation of relationships that have been difficult to secure, alongside a continuing desire for connection.
This ambivalence matters for science education, mei’s continuation with mathematics and physics does not rest on strong peer belonging. Her competence and future goals may compensate, but relatedness remains a potential point of fragility. It also suggests that a student can appear socially self-sufficient “I’m so chill” — while still narrating the absence of close support as consequential.
Autonomy within family support: “whatever I want”
Mei’s family narrative counters a simple stereotype of directive parental pressure, her mother initially imagined dentistry: “My mum wants me to be a dentist” (I1). Mei rejects the suggestion clearly, “I don’t like it ... even though I don’t know what I want to be, I already know what I don’t want to be” (I1). The sequence is a strong autonomy claim. Negative certainty, knowing what she will not choose, precedes a fully settled positive identity.
The parental response is described as supportive rather than coercive, her mother said she could do “whatever I want” (I1). Mei summarises her parents’ stance as, “They respect all I choose ... They’re very warm. They support me” (I1). Their support is emotionally substantial but institutionally incomplete, “They have no idea about the new educational system. And they just respect” (I1). Her mother responds by seeking information online about what Mei can do and how she can help. Thus, family social capital is strong, while knowledge of the British progression system is still being built.
Mei’s response to a curricular constraint further demonstrates agency, because All Saints British School does not offer Further Mathematics, she plans an alternative: “I probably will learn Further Maths online or join an online school” (I1). The modal “probably” acknowledges uncertainty, but the solution is self-initiated. She is not merely choosing from the options the school supplies; she is attempting to expand the field of options through digital and external educational resources.
The British pathway as selective continuity rather than rupture
Mei does not narrate the British system as culturally alien, on the contrary, after a period in a Spanish secondary setting, she says, “I think [the] A-level or British system is the most suitable for me because it’s kind of near to [the] Chinese educational system” (I1). This sentence is central to understanding why her transition is possible. The British examination pathway preserves features that her prior habitus can recognise, subject specialisation, formal assessment and the high value of mathematics and science, while offering more choice and, in her account, less public comparison.
Her earlier science and examination capital can be converted into IGCSE and A-level planning, but the school does not provide every subject she wants. The current field reduces some forms of pressure without removing high-stakes assessment. Her prior achievement habitus supports disciplined preparation, but it also appears in guilt and risk avoidance. Migration therefore produces neither assimilation nor total rupture. Mei carries forward some dispositions, revises others and actively seeks new resources.
Narrative coda: science as capital and a self-authored possibility
Taken together, the interviews construct science in four overlapping ways. It is a childhood space of wonder; a school subject mastered through repetition and examination practice; a form of capital that can secure future options; and an emerging personal pathway through mathematics, physics, engineering and renewable energy. None of these meanings alone defines her attitude. Her aspiration is partly intrinsic, partly ethical, partly pragmatic and partly shaped by a durable expectation that education must lead somewhere.
The dominant narrative movement is from compulsory collective regulation towards qualified self-authorship. In the past, “you must get prepared every time” and public scores determine standing. In the present, Mei says she can “sort of control the pressure”. In the future, she uses the language of choice: “I would definitely choose maths”, “maybe chemistry”, “I probably will learn Further Maths online”. The story remains open, but it is increasingly told in her own first person.